The Narrow Road Tips for Parents

We will be talking to your sons about becoming an athlete after God's heart.  We will give them tips on how to do that both on and off the court. But a team is like a family. And a team is larger than just the coaches and players and coaching staff.  The parents are part of that team/family.  Fact is, parents do belong to the team in its larger sense. They exert a significant influence on the team through their relationship with the players.

Here are some tips for the parents to follow to stay on the narrow road.

1. Please don't shout advice to your player during the game.

Shout encouragement? You bet. A steady stream of technique suggestions, though, has no value. Your insightful tips may conflict with the coach's instruction.  Let the coach run the team according to his plan and support it.

Most kids soon learn to tune out their parents. Even when dad is screaming from behind the backstop at a little league game, junior probably doesn't hear him because he is concentrating on the pitcher. If dad is being heard, its likely a distraction. Why hinder your child's performance by distracting him? Give him a chance to play. You can talk about the game at home if your child wants to discuss it.

If a parent is indeed controlling every detail of a player's performance, how fun is that? A player needs to take ownership of his game and be responsible for the outcome of his actions. If a play worked, because he did what dad said, where is the sense of accomplishment going to be placed?

2. Parents that loudly harass the referee or umpire are embarrassing to the player

When a parent makes a spectacle of himself at a game, the child is embarrassed.

If the ref is being reamed by a parent for a bad call (by definition, a bad call is any decision made against the parent's child), what does the player learn? He learns that the mistake wasn't his fault. It was the result of poor officiating. This is a bad habit to get into. Don't encourage your child to place the blame for their failures upon others. One of the benefits of playing sports is learning to accept responsibility instead of making excuses.

Sometimes a call is hard to take for whatever reason. Such times are tests of emotional control. If a player can learn to bite his lip and move on, a parent can learn to sit quietly for a moment and let the emotion pass. Learning to cope with disappointment is a valuable life skill.

3. Don't blame the coaches for your child's problems or lack of playing time

Your child's struggles to succeed are your child's problems. Let him work them out without your interference. A player should be able to discuss difficulties with the coaching staff. Dealing with people in charge is part of growing up. A player has every right to ask a coach what needs to be done to earn more playing time, for example. But a parent stepping in to demand playing time is another thing altogether.

Some coaches have a knack for developing relationships with parents that enable frank discussions about player performance and playing time. This requires real openness and trust, but it can happen. As soon as the coach gets defensive or the parent becomes insistent, the relationship breaks down. Its a risky situation, but worthwhile if all parties can accept each other's opinions. If a parent must speak to the coach, do it privately and with dignity.

The worst thing a parent can do is take pot shots at the coach, criticizing decisions, complaining about anything (but not offering to help). It is pretty demoralizing to try and do your best and in return people insult you and undermine your efforts. Most of the coaches in the world are volunteers. Almost all that get paid only make a pittance for all the time, energy and expertise they provide. Under the weight of constant complaining, why bother? What most whining parents fail to realize is that if they succeed in running off the current coach, there may be no one there to step in. Or ... the replacement could be far worse than the original!

4. Please don't razz the other team's players

The other team's players should be considered off limits. Yelling at or deriding someone else's child is a shameful practice for an adult at a sporting event. Even if the player is acting outrageously, there should be adult supervision in place to correct the behavior. If nothing is done, then direct your complaints to the proper authority about the lack of supervision. Parents who intend to disrupt, distract or upset players exhibit the worst of poor sportsmanship. If such actions are condoned, most kids will decide not to participate - why play if its no fun? Others may be prone to fight when provoked. Don't allow that to happen.

5. As a parent, be involved in a positive way

Attend your child's games as often as you can. Cheer for all the kids on the team. Help with fund raising. Assist with logistics. If you're not sure how to help, ask the coach. There are probably a hundred ways to be a good team member and a good parent at the same time. When the larger definition of team is working well, the experience can be wonderful for everyone involved. People who see your program in action will want to be a part of it. Parents looking ahead to when their child will be old enough to participate will want to fit in and help. This kind of teamwork perpetuates itself. Once it gets momentum, it can be quite a force. It just takes parents who care.